Maja B – Healthy Boundaries

I have been told that living in a community – close to people brings up a lot of emotional, personal issues and that this is the biggest challenge of it. If and how everyone will want to deal with those issues.

I have been always very keen to discover what exactly is my problem and how can I deal with it. Here, after being depressed for two weeks because of my new diet I started to feel seriously bored. Everything was fine and even when there were problems, they were not my personal and I want to grow, I want to discover myself! Aren’t there any more interesting deep problems I could dwell on? Of course they are.

At some point I noticed that there are certain type of insignificant events that make me feel totally fed up. Angry, disappointed, hopeless, sad and they make me just want to leave this bloody project and go back home. By analysing what these situation were, what words have been used and how did it make me feel I realised that… TA-DAM! Another issue of mine is coming out, just in a completely different way than I am used to. I used to think about stuff, now they just happen.

I think this is a big issue when you leave with people in general and it is very obvious, but doesn’t matter how obvious it would be, people still have a problem with it. I do and I see others having it as well. It’s boundaries. You have to come into your space of being with healthy boundaries, you have to create them and keep them. I have a huge problem with saying ‘no’ when someone asks me for help. When someone let’s me down I just say ‘it’s ok’ even though it is not. I have a problem with clearly stating my position and opinions. I also started to feel a bit exposed sharing my personal thoughts on my crowdfunding page, (luckily there are just friends reading it), I have a feeling that the most important thing I have to share with the world through this project are personal struggles and I didn’t figure out yet where is the line behind which it gets too personal. All of that creates a sense of lack of security and it is me who creates that.

The bottom line is – you will feel as safe, liberated and respected as you will work for it. I am very excited to see another step for me to climb on.

 

 

Maja B – in the realm of dreams

I had three exceptionally vivid dreams recently. I am usually rather careful with interpreting dreams, most of them just come from my thoughts, wishes, fears, memories etc. But sometimes so it happens, that I wake up very sure that this dream was something more. Sometimes a lot more, sometimes just a little bit.

In the first dream I was here, on La Palma, in 8th life eco-village, with Stella, Jose and Samadhi. We were standing on top of the building and looking at waves. This place is quite far away from the ocean but you can see it. The waves were enormous, sometimes so close, that the house was shaking. And we were there, with our arms wide opened, joining with energy of the wind and water. The last wave was so strong that it occurred to me, that once winter comes, we can be in real danger (ocean in winter is more wild than in summer). And then we saw another village, a bit lower then we were that was swallowed by the waves. That scared me, in a few months from now we will probably die.
And then Samadhi, to cheer me up, took me up to the city in a device that made me feel like I am flying in a dream. The city was a beautiful place full of people who were laughing from every little silly thing. They had a lot of fun with tourists and themselves, they were an embodiment of joy, peace and awareness of the present moment. We went there singing from our hearts. And then I knew, that I was at home. And even if in few months we will be swallowed by the waves, I don’t mind dying like that, in the place I love.
The next dream I don’t remember so well. We (me and a group of very nice people) were restoring some very old, spanish village. The deal was, that when we restore it, we can live there and our families can join us. It was a beautiful place! The dream finished when we were done and I said “ahora, podemos crear…” (“now, we can create…”) what can we create? there was no word for that, because we could create everything we could. A community. This was the first time I spoke in spanish in my dream
In the last dream we were walking towards some place. In nature, but ruined one. for some reason we dug a huge hole in the ground and it was heartbreaking. At least 10m deep, there was mostly cement in the soil. I started to wonder, what tree should we plant here to restore it? it has to be hardy so it can grow in such a poor conditions, it has to break the cement with its roots and it has to be good for this climate. I thought of Robinia pseudoacacia.
Then we were passing an old river. Next to it, there was a screen showing how it used to look like. It was wide, with crystal water, with loads of rainbow trouts swimming in it. It was a very important place in the community, always gathering people wanting to cool down, always with children playing in it. And then there was a woman talking about their organization to save the rivers and that they are doing better. The view behind the screen, the river in the present time was horrifying. Just a little, muddy, dirty stream slowly moving along the dry river bed. Just like here on La Palma, in all these huge barrancos, there used to live big rivers, now watching their graveyard is really painful.
After waking up, I immediately started to think about the holistic grazing as a way to restore our rivers. By the breakfast we talked about handling sheep, and this discussion along with my dream and holistic grazing ideas filled me with fire of excitement and passion. When my turn came to speak, I just cried and laughed, couldn’t really say how happy I am to live here and now, with the possibility to make a change in the world.
to stay close to my home (the world) even though soon it might be gone
to restore and build a community
to restore our natural world
If you would like to know more about my personal stories, thoughts, feelings and conclusions about my experiences in here, and if you would like to support me, see my page here : https://www.patreon.com/maja_b?ty=h

Maja B – changes

(I will add some photos later!)
I was just about to write about how difficult it is. So much work, no time and just when I got used to the current order of the day, the PeDreTea people come and we have to organize everything again, probably different. And I don’t want different, I want my breakfasts at 11 am and eat fat and fermented veggies. First thing I felt after waking up was a sting of panic, that again, it is going to be such  an exhausting day. How wrong I was!

I started my duties with guinea pig food, which is always hard for me, because I spent 2 hours in an uncomfortable position, thinking about what else could I do in this time and how no one is willing to help with this job. But luckily, Nico was pushing long enough and we got a working site. In half an hours we picked 6 bags (usually I get 4 in 2 hours) and it was such a pleasure that I can’t wait to site again! this tool is somehow noble, using it requires perfection which now I really want to achieve. It is not going to be picking food for the guinea pigs anymore but morning meditation with the site.
Then, we got delivery of metal bars which I need to start building guinea pig cages. Yesterday we had a workshop from soldiering and so today I started playing with tools. I love playing with tools, do something I never did before and creating something useful. I’m so happy that the guinea pigs will have more space! And even though I’m scared that I will mess up something, make some stupid mistakes, I take the challenge and it is a great feeling.
And now I am cooking my bone broth on the shitty rocket stove I built very quickly. Today was the last breakfast with the 8th life team and I will be missing them a lot! It makes me a bit sad, but I also love cooking on fire, to take care of it, to hear it’s pretty sounds.
And the weather was great too. I am going back to my morning routine I neglected, I am feeling great, although still a bit concerned about the new stuff going on.
It is very easy to stay in the comfort zone. I get the thoughts about going back to the city and consumerism, to take a hot bath, watch a movie and eat cakes. It would be so easy no to have any bigger purpose! Not to have a need for it. But I have tried it and I know that it is actually easier to stretch the boundaries and challenge myself than to deal with the misery of meaningless life. Sometimes it´s just difficult to remember that. New people are coming, with them new changes and I get really stressed about it, but I hold on.

Maja B – change of profession

So I used to be a gardener in London. I like the job. I was spending most of my days outside, in rich english gardens so I didn’t even feel like I’m in a huge city.

IMG_20151211_090619

 

I had teatimes usually every 2-3 hours and sometimes even with cakes! English people seem to respect and like their gardeners.

 

 

 

 

And I was surrounded by beauty! We were not really allowed to take any pictures of the properties, but sometimes it was just too difficult to not to capture the simple beauty of nature.

I really liked to show it to our customers as well. At some point, every time I was pruning some plants with flowers on it I left them a little bouquet. Or at the end of our time in a garden I was making small decorations.

When I think about it now, and look at those pictures, I even miss it. I remember every garden in which those pictures were taken. I have spent quite a lot of great time with nature at that time, I see it as a great gift. That I chose to study horticulture and then to work in a way related to my passion.

But knowing some things about ecology of plants, soils, micro and macro organisms makes it quite difficult to work in gardens of a usual, rich people. They want everything to be clean and tidy. They don’t want to see any dead leaves or flowers. They want their hedges and lawns as straight as their rectangular houses. They want their soil bare and freshly turned over all the time. No weeds. No bugs. They like when we say “we will spray it”. When you are aware of what those practices do to the environment around, it actually hurts to do your job. After PDC I started to argue with my colleagues and got into conflict with my boss because I refused to turn the soil over and was nagging all the time when I had to weed or mow not to mention when I saw someone spraying!

I think I could continue to work as a gardener only if I had clients that actually appreciate a healthy ecosystem and that is what they want in their garden. Possible but difficult. And still, there is no bigger picture.

So now I am here. I am not doing the gardening, I decided to change my profession. I was seeing gardening mostly as way to grow food and medicine but now I believe that animals are a much better source of food, and medicine is best wild. And I really want to help spreading holistic grazing all around any place I will go, so I have to learn about it! So I spent most of my time taking care of animals instead of plants.

 

But I still observe very carefully the flora around me. We have a little design on our heads to create an album with wild plants of canaries, so I am observing them and taking pictures for now, later on I want to paint them. It makes me very happy, that is exactly what I wanted to do here and even though I moved to animals, I am still in a very intimate touch with plants. I really like knowing their names.

 

If you want to support me in my mission of making a change in the world and hear more about my adventure, go here

Maja B – First few days

The first impression was a little weird. It was hard to believe that after so many months of planning I am actually here, on La Palma, and I will be staying here one year! Stella and Jose had a meeting at the time I arrived, so Mattis, who is volunteering here came to pick me up and showed me around for the first time.

DSC_8414

I must say, no matter how intimidated I felt, the nature around me did not and could not let me feel anything else but happy. It’s like a little jungle! Canaries are rather dry and there is not much lush vegetation, but here it’s completely different. The amount of colors and smells is higher than on polish field covered with summer flowers. Birds are singing amazing songs. And everyone is so friendly!

I was nervous about meeting Stella for the first time, but when she came out from the meeting, all this was gone. Like we knew each other much longer and better, I felt so natural. And so natural with my being quiet, I didn’t feel any kind of pressure to say or do anything whatsoever.

I set up my tent, got a rest and wandered around. The view from our camping site is incredible. You can see the barranco and ocean. Even from such a distance the waves makes you just stare at them in peace, and there is nothing else you could possibly need in the world.

DSC_8333

The night was very cold though! Days are very warm, but we are in the mountains after all and nights get very cold, I barely slept. Got out of all the clothes and sleeping bag only when the sun came in to touch my tent and immediately warm it up. Stella got a great idea to give me a bottle with hot water for the next night and I got an extra sleeping bag, so next night was much better. So good actually, that I didn’t manage to do my morning yoga. No problem, I will do it tomorrow. Is it possible to be worried here?

We have a lot of work. I have to keep making videos for other pedreteans and for you! Write blogs, make photos, but most of all start to organize our work! We have to renovate the kitchen, make the corridor for chickens, nursery, do the garden and in the meantime there are daily jobs like harvesting food for guinea pigs and cleaning their cages and checking on the sheeps, bringing them to and from the field.

I’m really bad with sheeps. They are very strong and I don’t have enough confidence to make them listen to me and to bark when we need to scare them to come our way!

I can already see that this is much more work then I was prepared for. That even though I was thinking about myself as a countryside kind of person, I was living in a city a long time, my hands got delicate and body weak. It will be difficult to keep up with the pace of farm life itself and to do this project! I can barely imagine having time to go to see the island or spend some time on painting, I hope I will get much more strength, stamina and energy with time.

Here the diet is VERY different than what I am used to. I don’t think I have ever eaten like that. 80% of our diet is animal fat, the rest is a bit of meat, organs and fried wild greens that grow around the finca. After a breakfast I am not hungry for the whole day! Today i felt a little sick from the amount of grease, but Jose said it is normal, because i am not used to this kid of food and I did suppose that it might be so. I just feel the need to eat much more fruits. There is a very big tree with delicious fruits but it is really hard to get them. I will try tomorrow.

If you would like to read more, know more about my personal struggles and support me, you can do it here