I have been told that living in a community – close to people brings up a lot of emotional, personal issues and that this is the biggest challenge of it. If and how everyone will want to deal with those issues.
I have been always very keen to discover what exactly is my problem and how can I deal with it. Here, after being depressed for two weeks because of my new diet I started to feel seriously bored. Everything was fine and even when there were problems, they were not my personal and I want to grow, I want to discover myself! Aren’t there any more interesting deep problems I could dwell on? Of course they are.
At some point I noticed that there are certain type of insignificant events that make me feel totally fed up. Angry, disappointed, hopeless, sad and they make me just want to leave this bloody project and go back home. By analysing what these situation were, what words have been used and how did it make me feel I realised that… TA-DAM! Another issue of mine is coming out, just in a completely different way than I am used to. I used to think about stuff, now they just happen.
I think this is a big issue when you leave with people in general and it is very obvious, but doesn’t matter how obvious it would be, people still have a problem with it. I do and I see others having it as well. It’s boundaries. You have to come into your space of being with healthy boundaries, you have to create them and keep them. I have a huge problem with saying ‘no’ when someone asks me for help. When someone let’s me down I just say ‘it’s ok’ even though it is not. I have a problem with clearly stating my position and opinions. I also started to feel a bit exposed sharing my personal thoughts on my crowdfunding page, (luckily there are just friends reading it), I have a feeling that the most important thing I have to share with the world through this project are personal struggles and I didn’t figure out yet where is the line behind which it gets too personal. All of that creates a sense of lack of security and it is me who creates that.
The bottom line is – you will feel as safe, liberated and respected as you will work for it. I am very excited to see another step for me to climb on.